Mom, I have cancer, no you don't.

The phone call I dread: Me: Mom, the test came back, I have cancer. Mom: I don't believe this, I had a lump years ago and it was nothing. You need a new doctor. Me: I pretty sure it's correct, I have cancer. Mom: You can't believe those doctors, we are Italian, we don't get cancer. Me: I know Mom, sometimes it happens. Mom: I still can not believe this, I'll make soup, your sister and I will come.

Roller Coaster Ride or Chemo Treatments

I have never enjoyed roller coasters. Nothing about them appeals to me. They usually start off with a small taste of what's to come. A short sharp turn, a small drop and then something soothing, dim twinkling lights, cool breeze. Meant to calm you yet inside you know it coming, your neck gets rocked back, your body's weights is being pulled back yet your being pulled forward. You're dizzy. And then opposite now you are being plunged downward fast, your stomach in your throat, your screaming inside your head and you don't know what is coming next. That nice little calm place, just to caught your breathe, before it starts again. No control. Well Ladies and Gentlemen welcome to Chemo Land. Just got done with the first ride, just when I was thinking I can't go on like this, it diminishes, into the nice dim twinkling lights part. Your body remembers some of it for a few more days and then when you think "Its not that bad" its time to get go on another ride. You have no control. And you know its going to be bad because people who go on these rides are called "survivors". And you get all kinds of free stuff. Nothing that you really want but things to make the ride easier, the ride you never wanted to get on. Now, I feel like I'm on a Merry go Round.

Retirement not for the faint of heart.

It has recently occurred to me that retirement is not for everyone. It requires the ability to entertain yourself, which I have come to find out not everyone possess these skills. I could give classes on crafts to those retirees who do not possess these skills, and they would get good stuff when done. Would that mean I would of come out of retirement myself.?

Another Honeymoon, all without sex

I am experiencing another "honeymoon" period. This is a timeframe before something is about to happen, usually something you're not looking forward to. I have a week before I start chemo. I can't even imagine the new world I am about to enter. But, I'm prepared... I have 8 new pair of jammies....

Be careful what you wish for!!!!

Ok Ok Ok Ok ..................Well, I got my wish. I get to stay home, no more work! Yeah, ah no no no.. I have always known to be careful when you throw out a wish to quickly include, " I wish I could lose some weight but not through an illness" And when I would dream about being retired, I would include but "I'm luckly to have a job because I need the money" blah blah blah. Well here is how my "wish" is playing out: I'm on disability for at least 1year, so I have money coming in but I'm fighting breast cancer . Based on my previous wish to lose weight, I bet I won't lose a pound. And the icing on the cake is my mom who we all know is Italian, really dislikes bald and fat. Gee Mom don't look now but ..........

Pain pills and pillows are my new best friends.  And yes, flowers DO make you feel better.

I am blessed.

This  pass week I have been encased in a cocoon of love. I have been showered with love. From the home cooked meals, to the flowers that come in the mail and hand delieverd to the wonderful cards and reading materials that arrived from far and near I am loved.

It is so true that there are many sides to a situation and this is by far the most wonderful side to be able to realish and roll in.

I've been in:  my jammies, bed, in arms and have been given time to relax and just be.
What healilng  powers these be.

From all the phone calls of well wishers how could I not heal.

To all my family, friends, the Universe and God I  thank you.