And the white rabbit said, follow me down the hole and I did

My sister has nicknamed me "the Quilting Ostrich" a name that is very be-fitting for me... I do bury my head daily, in my crafts, take a day at a time and am very happy with this agreement I have made for myself. You see, having and going through cancer treatment can and is overwhelming... But if I'm doing my crafts...I'm thinking wow this is great to be able to be creative... But if I'm doing "normal" stuff...cleaning, cooking, going to the store, etc...I'm thinking this is hard to do with cancer.... The reality sets in and then I am sad... On the other hand...my family does like it when I cook, me too... and its hard to argue a clean house and clean clothes.... Yet............"what's that?" I see and hear you material, yes!! lets do a project.............

Expectations from Others

It seems to me that when we expect others to act in a certain way, the way we expect, its trouble.

Hurt feels are sure to follow.  What I wonder is it wrong to have expectations?

I believe we all view the world from our own perception.  I sometimes try to look at the situation from "their" view and sometimes it works so you just agree to disagree and sometimes I just don't get it.

Relationships, what is it that bonds them together. Something has to click or resonate that holds them together.  So when people drift apart is that because its gone, how long should you hold on, waiting for something to click again?

Families..is it just the blood that holds them together after awhile?

Judgemental..... its a characteristic I dislike the most, and I find that I am becoming very judgemental...must stop

Time...I'm obsessed with not wasting time, but.......what who is to say what is wasting time,  writing in a blog might be concerned by some to be wasting time. I'm going stop now and bake some chocolate chip cookies....No one can claim that is a waste of time!!!!

Day by Day

As unrealistic it is to "live for today".... Sometimes all you can do is "get through the day"

Suspended in Time

I've always daydreamed about being able to "freeze time".  (B.C.)

Kinda like if I had a super power....

It seemed like there was always more to do than what "time" allowed.....

NOW..........I'm "frozen in time"

Its like being suspended, going through the motions of life without the connection to it.

All for the incorrect conjugating of a verb!

It's all in how you look at it.

It just occurred to me. Hell, I did time at ATT. Hard time, 4 years. I can do 6 months of Chemo!! It may seem harsh comparing chemo to working at ATT but ...... Those who have walked those halls know what I am talking about.

Patience

Patience....why do we lose it? Where does it go??? I know if we count to 10 we should get it back.... Traffic seems to be like Kryptonite to patience... Its something you should always pack when you go on vacation... Its a virtue...or so they say You can run out of Patience...and then it triggers a boiling temperature.. Some say you get more of it the older you become... And then there's that grasshopper thing Patience can be unlimited and just as quick it can be drained by a "look"

yikes!!! company is coming

As I was swishing pine sol in the toilet bowl, it got me to thinking. Do most people have a "go to" that they clean if they know someone is stopping by? My routine is: For a short drive by visit - I'll check the toilets and run the duster across the wooden floors. For a over-night visit - My first priority is the refrigerator, clean it, organize it and if my mom is coming, I'm cleaning every jar. (inside of lid and rim of jar.) And from there its a matter of how much time I have, sometimes I even manage to clean the entire house. My husband loves when we have company. And if you have a regular house keeper, you have no idea of what I am talking about.

But I'm Italian.........

For some reason Italians do not think they are subject to normal laws of nature. At least the Italians I know. Now the doctor told me I would lose my hair, No one believe it. The Italians. After all I have a ton of hair. To humor the diagnosis I chopped off my long hair. On day 16 from 1st chemo treatment, a hand full of hair was left in my palm as I was styling my "DO" "She's bald Jerry, Bald" Looks like I will walk in my brothers shoes. On a brighter note: went shopping and bought many cute pair of long dangle earrings....

Mom, I have cancer, no you don't.

The phone call I dread: Me: Mom, the test came back, I have cancer. Mom: I don't believe this, I had a lump years ago and it was nothing. You need a new doctor. Me: I pretty sure it's correct, I have cancer. Mom: You can't believe those doctors, we are Italian, we don't get cancer. Me: I know Mom, sometimes it happens. Mom: I still can not believe this, I'll make soup, your sister and I will come.

Roller Coaster Ride or Chemo Treatments

I have never enjoyed roller coasters. Nothing about them appeals to me. They usually start off with a small taste of what's to come. A short sharp turn, a small drop and then something soothing, dim twinkling lights, cool breeze. Meant to calm you yet inside you know it coming, your neck gets rocked back, your body's weights is being pulled back yet your being pulled forward. You're dizzy. And then opposite now you are being plunged downward fast, your stomach in your throat, your screaming inside your head and you don't know what is coming next. That nice little calm place, just to caught your breathe, before it starts again. No control. Well Ladies and Gentlemen welcome to Chemo Land. Just got done with the first ride, just when I was thinking I can't go on like this, it diminishes, into the nice dim twinkling lights part. Your body remembers some of it for a few more days and then when you think "Its not that bad" its time to get go on another ride. You have no control. And you know its going to be bad because people who go on these rides are called "survivors". And you get all kinds of free stuff. Nothing that you really want but things to make the ride easier, the ride you never wanted to get on. Now, I feel like I'm on a Merry go Round.

Retirement not for the faint of heart.

It has recently occurred to me that retirement is not for everyone. It requires the ability to entertain yourself, which I have come to find out not everyone possess these skills. I could give classes on crafts to those retirees who do not possess these skills, and they would get good stuff when done. Would that mean I would of come out of retirement myself.?

Another Honeymoon, all without sex

I am experiencing another "honeymoon" period. This is a timeframe before something is about to happen, usually something you're not looking forward to. I have a week before I start chemo. I can't even imagine the new world I am about to enter. But, I'm prepared... I have 8 new pair of jammies....

Be careful what you wish for!!!!

Ok Ok Ok Ok ..................Well, I got my wish. I get to stay home, no more work! Yeah, ah no no no.. I have always known to be careful when you throw out a wish to quickly include, " I wish I could lose some weight but not through an illness" And when I would dream about being retired, I would include but "I'm luckly to have a job because I need the money" blah blah blah. Well here is how my "wish" is playing out: I'm on disability for at least 1year, so I have money coming in but I'm fighting breast cancer . Based on my previous wish to lose weight, I bet I won't lose a pound. And the icing on the cake is my mom who we all know is Italian, really dislikes bald and fat. Gee Mom don't look now but ..........

Pain pills and pillows are my new best friends.  And yes, flowers DO make you feel better.

I am blessed.

This  pass week I have been encased in a cocoon of love. I have been showered with love. From the home cooked meals, to the flowers that come in the mail and hand delieverd to the wonderful cards and reading materials that arrived from far and near I am loved.

It is so true that there are many sides to a situation and this is by far the most wonderful side to be able to realish and roll in.

I've been in:  my jammies, bed, in arms and have been given time to relax and just be.
What healilng  powers these be.

From all the phone calls of well wishers how could I not heal.

To all my family, friends, the Universe and God I  thank you.

Twinkle Toes

Pedicure toes on the ceiling of trailer.  I love our weekends away! :)

The Honeymoon Stage

The honeymoon stage is a timeframe where your life is carefree example: you have a job but you have not started actually working at said job.

And this is where Ii find myself for the next 10days. It has been requested that I return to a more in depth mamogram. So they can "look" at something.

Since I am not the type of person to worry about something before it happens I am not stressing out or going crazy over this but................it has got me thinking..things are ok until they are not.

My Aunt was just told she has a brain tumor. She was fine one day and the next day she's not.

It makes you take stock of your life. What have you done, accomplished, what is important.